There will be no roaches in Heaven. Not my version of Heaven anyway.

I was going to blog about something spiritual, deep and important to everyone's life.  It was going to be something about "whatever we loose on Earth is loosed in Heaven"...that kinda thing.  But, I can sum that up in one paragraph and then go on to what I am really interested in today...roaches.  Here's the summary (one should always get the important spiritual things done first...'seek ye first'...remember?)

Anyway, in Matthew 16:19,  Jesus is talking to Peter and says "whatever you bind on earth will be bound in Heaven".  I interpret that to mean that we are supposed to turn our problems over to God and not hold on to them so as not to "bind" them on Earth, but let God handle them and see His power released on the situation here on earth...no matter what it is.   I used to think that it meant that if we were mad at someone on earth, then we didn't have to talk to them in Heaven, but I have since revisited that idea. I don't know how Heaven will be, but I hope my irritation with certain people I know will not prevent me from getting to Heaven. I'm pretty sure it won't.

However, on to the pressing matter of roaches.  It has been 20 days since I last posted a blog.  During those 20 days, I have been diligently trying to relearn how to be a home health RN.  I went back to work full time and although I am enjoying the paycheck, I am learning that change and adjustments are part of life, and they're not always fun. Getting out of my comfort zone has not been easy.  I am treading water though so no one has to do career CPR on me just yet. It helps to have weekends, and I just LIVE for Saturdays.  There is nothing like waking up and the first thought in your head is, "Ah, today, I don't have to be anywhere.  It's a beautiful day."

So, how does this all relate to roaches?  Well,  when you work in home health either as a nurse, physical therapist or, God love you, a bath aide, you go into stranger's homes and provide whatever care your ordered to do there. This means that you see how they live.  You see their mental illnesses...like hoarding, and I don't care how clean you think your house is, if you are a hoarder, you have roaches.  Mostly because hoarding means that you don't declutter, and you can't clean what you can't see so if you can't see the floor, you can't see the roach colonies populating your residence.

You see people as they really are. Let me paint a picture for you.  Let's just say that somewhere in America, there is a nice little old lady about 88 years old who lives with her husband who is also about 190. In their tiny little 2 bedroom home, built in the year 1932, they have a rickety wheelchair ramp leading to the front door. About 10 flower pots full of pink, white,  purple and blue artificial flowers line the ramp.  Three wind chimes hang from the porch that you are hoping will support your weight as you knock on the door.  The eerie sound that comes from the chimes gets louder as you approach the house. And, let's not forget the gnomes.  Never forget the gnomes with their faded red paint on their pointed little hats.  You're met with an army of gnomes and that added to the chimes makes you question your career choice.

But you knock on the screen door anyway hoping that it won't fall off the hinges as you knock.  How much paperwork would that be back at the office?   The "yippie" dogs are the first to alert the home owners of your presence.  You hear a frail voice in the house say,  "just a minute!" After about three long minutes of waiting at the door,  it opens slowly and four little Chiwawas nip, snip and sniff at your feet.  You're just thankful they're not Rottweilers.  Although that's happened to me too, but that's another story.  SO, now, you're in the house,  you go through the usual niceties, "How are you? blah blah blah. "  You're looking for a place to sit your nurses' bag (which contains your stethoscope, bp cuff, thermometer, and all the other 'accoutrements' nurses have to carry).  You put your trash bag or "barrier" on top of a big cardboard box which is the only flat service you can find.  You'll have to wash your hands too because that's protocol even though your hands were probably cleaner before you walked into the house. You're trying not to stare at all the clutter and cardboard boxes and trash cans that would make someone with a propensity to go dumpster diving think they'd found Nirvana. But, you wash your hands in the little bathroom and as you look over to the faucet handle, there sits the king of the roaches...His little antenna and body looking straight at you waving in the air.  It's as if he's saying, "What is your purpose for invading my home?" You quickly remind yourself and the roach who is boss as you flick him on the floor and step on him.  You're adrenaline is up anyway because you've been freaked out by the gnomes so your reflexes are lightening quick.

You move on and do your assessments and afterward, just before you leave, you step on a roach or two just to do your part to control the insect population.  Not that it makes any difference, but it makes you feel better. Through his oxygen nasal cannula, he laughs and says, "Did you kill one? I hope so."  Cause, you see, people know they have roaches.  Some people just don't care because they've given up hope that it could ever get any better. People know they have "their stuff" which we often call clutter.  To them it is normal.  I can't judge them.  I can just treat them. Someone with different definitions of clutter could easily come into my house and determine that I am a hoarder of say, s'mores. Oh well, we all have our issues.

The central core truth is that some people just have different opinions of what is acceptable to live with and what is not acceptable.  If this old couple chooses to allow roaches to live with them, then that's their business.  All I can do is suggest that roaches carry diseases and that they might have a healthier lifestyle without them.  I can't make them want to buy Raid....but they can buy gnomes...maybe they think the gnomes will scare the roaches off.  Unfortunately, that theory seems flawed.  Maybe that ties in to the whole "loosing it in Heaven" thing.  Maybe when I see situations like that, I should pray God will kill the roaches. I don't know.  I do know I'll be nice and try to help them anyway I can. Unfortunately, most people don't want help because they don't see they have a problem.  It's a strange, strange world, and I can't fix it.  But I can make suggestions to buy Raid.  Great.  That's helpful.

Football advice for non Alabamians...

If you are from the great state of Alabama, then you have undoubtedly had the opportunity to pick either Auburn or Alabama as your "team".  I'm surprised that it is not a required question to ask when renewing your driver's license..."Are you an Alabama or Auburn fan?"   It's that important to some people. I bet it must be confusing for someone who moves to Alabama from a state that doesn't take football as seriously as we do in the south. My advice to them would be...stay neutral..You'll have more friends that way. I promise you!

I know that most college football teams have state rivalries.  It's just a natural progression of having two universities in the same state with the same division size requirements for a football team. Not every body can go to one school so variety is good. I guess in Georgia, the rivalry is between the University of Georgia and maybe Georgia Tech.  In Tennessee the rivalry is between the University of Tennessee and maybe Vanderbilt...In Mississippi, it's the University of Mississippi and maybe Ole Miss...I think.  I don't really know because the only one that has ever seemed to effect my life in any shape, form or fashion has been the vicious and sometimes ignorant rivalry between Auburn University and the University of Alabama.  I won't give you the history of the rivalry. You can google that as well as I can, but I will give you a small snap shot of just how serious, yet silly, that the feelings of some people can be regarding their beloved team..whichever one they root for. But let me be clear...I have many wonderful (and not as ridiculous as the people I'm about to describe) Alabama friends. I have many great Auburn friends too. And, after all, isn't that what life is all about...Cum ba ya  and all that?   Hee hee.

When I worked at the hospital, I had a patient who was a very serious and devoted Alabama fan.  He had never stepped foot on the Tuscaloosa campus and to my knowledge was not a college graduate from anywhere, but when I walked in wearing Auburn scrubs, he wouldn't talk to me.  I had to go get another nurse to give him his meds.  He didn't trust me. Since then, I only wear neutral scrubs whenever I see patients.  I'm a home health nurse so I don't want to get thrown out of any Alabama fans' house.  That would really mess up my schedule.

I have a friend from high school (who shall remain nameless) who told me once (and he realizes that it's silly now), that he actually used to wonder how anyone could be an Auburn fan and still call themselves a Christian.  He actually did graduate from UA, but that's no excuse.  He should have known better.  He says now that he has many Auburn fans, but he never makes it a secret how much he hates Auburn. 

Now, to be fair, I have to say why I am an Auburn fan.  It's Troy.  He graduated from there, and was in the fraternity that got to take care of the eagle (their mascot..or is that the Tiger...why do we have two?) before the Vet school down there took over that job. I don't think he would appreciate it if I wore red and white on game day.   Anyway, it's a loyalty thing.  My sister gradated from there, and I didn't know a football from a sausage ball so yeah, sure I'll wear orange and blue.  I don't look that good in red anyway so that worked.  Then, in college (I went to the University of Montevallo which - to my  knowledge - is not affiliated officially with either of the big schools) I went through a brief period of time where, I had more Alabama fans than Auburn fans so I wore red and white and shouted "Roll Tide" for awhile.  However, if you strapped me up to a lie detector machine, you would find that I don't really care who wins cause, I "don't have a dog in that fight." as they say.. If one of my kids grows up to attend either university, I will gladly wear their colors -mainly because by then, I will be paying lots of money to whichever school it is, so I should support them with a t-shirt.  It will be the least I can do.  If they go to both schools, I will have to get a shirt with an Alabama elephant on one side and an Auburn Tiger on the other. Won't that be pretty?

Which brings me to the crux of why I wanted to write this blog...even though I really only just wanted to use the word "crux" but I'm a bit scared now cause I'm hoping that I will use it correctly...You see, my point in all this is...Attendance at either school is not a prerequisite to participate in the insanity of the rivalry.  Just like ownership in an NFL team is not a requirement to like one of those teams.  True football fans will just like watching good football players play the game.  The uniform won't matter.  We saw a t-shirt that said, "I got this t-shirt because I graduated from Auburn University. You got that Bama shirt because you went to Wal-Mart."...Now, that could go either way which is also true for pretty much any Auburn/Alabama joke.  It's just crazy.  It always has been, always will be.

The only advice I can give someone who didn't grow up in the midst of the insanity is that when you see a die hard Auburn fan or die hard Alabama fan coming, just smile politely, hope that you're wearing gray and speak in calming tones.  The insanity will calm down a bit in the spring when football season is over.  Until then, just stay neutral, but whatever you do...please don't say, "It's just a game" because then you will have both sides after you. You've been warned...Roll Tide and War Eagle!  : )