Conspiracy Theory

I have no way to prove it, but I have a theory.  My children, each precious in their own special way, are on a mission to drive me insane.  This theory has developed over quite a few years.  Abby is 9 now and is honing her leadership skills with her younger sister Ellie, 7 yet devious, and little brother Jacob 5...who has the skill of selective hearing down to a science.

Their "Drive Momma To Drink" campaign meetings probably go something like this: 

Abby:  "Ok, today, when we get in the car to go to school, make sure that you ignore Mom when she says to put on your seatbelt.  Then, start picking at each other.  Jacob you scream at Ellie and tell her that you think she smells bad...Ellie, you pinch Jacob a little bit, and then Jacob you pretend to cry like she just pinched your arm off.   Let's let this continue until we almost get to school, then Jacob, I want you to suddenly remember that you're not wearing shoes and begin to panic and cry and have a fit...I'll start talking about one of my friends at school who acts like she doesn't like me, and I'll pretend to cry and ask Mom why she can't home school us.  Next, when we get home make sure you throw all your dirty clothes into the pile of the clean clothes and don't even think about picking up your clothes and putting them in your room.  The goal is zero organization..got it?  Oh, and for the sake of all the candy in the world, please don't flush the toilet!  Just do your business and walk away. We'll have more instructions later.  Let's let her get good and steamy before we throw in the old "Oh, I just remembered I have a science project due tomorrow" on her.  She'll be locked in her room hiding under the covers in no time."

Yep, that's my theory...and I'm stickin to it. 

-Yvette