Three gerbils walk into a classroom...

Well, actually, we didn't walk.  We were abducted by the "great giant hand" that once in a while throws us some food and removes the little blue water source that we have to lick every day to just get a lousy drink of water....Hello, my name is Tree Frog, and I'm a white gerbil.  I was given this ridiculous name by the smaller of the five large mammals who do not live in the cage with me and my two roommates, "Brownie" named so because he is brown which I find completely racist and "Ting Ting" because the smallest of the cageless mammals thought it was funny to repeat words...We like to make fun of him for that and often say, "Hey, Ting Ting, want to go to the other side of the cage for some chow chow?"  We get a lot of mileage from that joke, and joking helps since we're not really, uh, you know, able to go anywhere except on the wheel which Brownie hogs all the time...until, today...

We were just all huddled together in the corner as usual trying to catch a few winks when suddenly the cage opened and in popped the great giant hand.  Instead of the usual flow of food into our food bowl, we were each randomly grabbed and put into a little plastic cage and ripped from the comforts of our little abode. I asked Brownie, who sometimes seems to know more than we do and was usually the last to be caught,  "Hey, what the heck is going on?"  He said, "Looks like it's field trip day..hold onto your tails boys.  We're goin to the outback!" We sniffed the parameters and tried our best to find an escape. We were moving a lot faster than the wheel usually goes and on this trip, when we stopped moving, everything looked different.

The next thing I remember, the smells were a lot different than back at home.  I think I heard one of the big mammals call this the "2nd grade classroom".  It was quiet at first and then it was like rolling thunder in the background moving closer and closer. We all huddled together and prayed for it to be over, but it was no where near over.  I recognized one of the smaller mammals from home.  It was the one who had named me Tree Frog because of my red eyes.  She must have not done very well in her science class and not learned the difference between a frog and a gerbil.  Poor kid.  I couldn't worry about that just right now though cause I was too terrified about all the impending doom I could feel.  The biggest mammal, who must have been their leader, said, "Ok, quiet down now, and let Ellie tell us about her gerbils"..."Her gerbils?"  Oh, these pretentious mammals.  Who do they think they are?  Anyway, the ceiling opened and in came a smaller hand, but there was no food in it....only a forboding feeling that one of us was about to be snatched...to what purpose, I do not know....I squealed and then remembered a movie the little humans were watching that I could see from our home sanctuary which seemed so very far away now.  In this movie, the little hamsters- tailless lot that they are -gave the advice to "Pee in the hand! Pee in the hand!" and so I tried that, but I must have already dropped the goods before I actually landed in the hand cause up I rose and out of the little transport jail.  I sniffed the air, and tried to run...it was like being back on the wheel except it was just from one little hand to the next.  Where in the world did all these hands come from?

Finally, by some great unknown mercy, I was returned to the little transport jail and went to the corner where I huddled and tried to hide and tried desperately to forget that this day ever happened.  But it was not over...I had to watch in terror as the same fate awaited my roommates.  There is no telling what kind of nasty diseases we have picked up from these smaller mammals.  We must initiate emergency "clean your buddy" protocols immediatly...or at least as soon as we get back to the safety of our home...if that ever happens.

Once we had all been thoroughly violated, we were put back into the cage.  Then, after another moving through space episode, suddenly, we entered someplace that seemed a bit familiar.  The smells were the same and as if by some miracle, our humble safe house came into view.  It was almost worth being grabbed by the great giant hand just to be back into the corner and huddle. There was even fresh food.  We gathered together, held paws and sang "Kum Ba Ya".  We were blessed to be home.