The Adventures of Harvey the House Squirrel...

     Hello, my name is Harvey.  I am a squirrel, brown with a little touch of gray, and I live in the attic of a brick house where a family of humans reside. They do not know I am here.  I keep it that way on purpose. They only know what I want them to know.  I have lived here since I was a baby squirrel.  I was thrown out of the nest high up in the oak tree above the house after my parents wanted me to go out and forge for myself at the ripe old age of 3 years.  I mean, come on...if you're gonna have a baby, take care of it right?  Anyway, not long after that, I found an opening under the roof and I've enjoyed a nice cozy hide out ever since.  The wires and insulation make great beds, and sometimes the kids who live here leave food lying around.  I go into their rooms and the kitchen when no one is here. They keep their big black dog in the laundry room during the day so I just sit outside her door and laugh and point and say, "Ha! You big bully. You can't catch me!"  That's so much fun.  Gotta make sure she never catches me though.  That would be bad.  I'm not a singing squirrel like those goofy, famous chipmunks.  How degrading.  I can talk if I want to, but I would never talk to a human.  They would just want me to become a stupid singing chipmunk to make money for them.  No, I have it pretty darn good here.  Well, at least, I did. 

     One day last week, the mom of the family got a wild hair and decided to clean out the attic.  Three years of  peace and quiet and then she has to decide -on one of the coldest days of the year I must add- to clean out the attic.  Tucked up under the corner in a cozy sheet of insulation, I was sleeping really well, dreaming of my nuts when all of a sudden, the door sprang open and it started to get really loud.  Boxes were being turned over and pillaged through.  I stayed as quiet as I could and watched in terror as the big woman came closer and closer to me.  She got distracted by a big box of kids' toys and sat down to sort through them.  I thought "This might be my only chance, I've gotta make a break for it!" I mustered all the courage my little pointy head could think of and then made one scurry from my bed to the box just mere inches away from the big woman's foot. For a moment, she stopped and looked my way, but my cunning, stealthy moves prevented her from seeing me and as she looked closer, I slinked my way around to the opposite side of the box.  Luckily, she didn't investigate further. I breathed a sigh of relief. She went back to her stool and resumed her pillage through the village of what she called junk.  I was hoping I could just sneak my way to the attic hole that led to the roof so I would be free, but freedom was not to be mine just yet. With one foot forward, and both eyes on the big woman, I took one small step and when I turned to start running, I saw her. it was the littlest human staring straight at me.  Her big blue eyes told the story of what was about to be announced with an ear piercing scream of "Mommy!  Look, a squirrel!"...To my horror, I turned and looked up just in time to see a big box being thrown over me.  I couldn't escape. I was trapped.  No cozy insulation. No yummy wires to munch on.  I was doomed.  What in the world would happen next?  Well, I'll let you know in my next blog....